So I try to stay upbeat, positive, praising. But sometimes I
am just overwhelmed and want to literally hide under the covers and turn my
phone off and cry. Not very adult I know but sometimes I am so mentally
overloaded that physically I don’t know how I can carry on. I have it so easy.
I don’t have a job. This morning I posted on face book about crack headed
mamas. It’s an injustice that people who WANT to sit back and milk of the
government can and people who legitimately want to help themselves get shafted.
I WANT a job. I miss working. But I don’t have a job so it is the assumption of
the public that I get to sit around and take bubble baths and drink wine.
HAHAHA Oh wouldn’t it be great if that was what life was really like? For one I’m
anti alcohol for two I do more stuff in one day than I would have thought
humanly possible when I was in my twenties. For example today I took my kids to
school after a major melt down from the diva of the house because she hates
math and apparently math hates her back. She is my daughter she comes by it
honestly. She said she was going to puke if I sent her to school so that the
nurse would send her home… seriously I could not make that statement up. So I
went to the nurse and said DO NOT LET MY CHILD FOOL YOU. So that was battle
number one of the day. Then for battle of the day number two yet it is my major
battle. Noah’s pediatrician is flakey. And I am so very frustrated with it.
Noah had a neuro apt on March 19 I called on March 18 to confirm get
directions… they had never heard of my kid... I was so mad I didn’t immediately
call the ped because I was afraid I might lose Jesus on them… SO for the past 3
weeks LITERALLY I have called the office every two days to try and get this
straightened out... finally an AUGUST excuse my outrage as I beat on the
keyboard!!!! That is absolutely absurd that I have to wait that long just to be
SEEN not even to get the eeg to determine how active his seizures are… L YOU HAVE GOT TO BE
KIDDING ME!! I called the office you
know to try and move it up... they say we can schedule you for September... um.
I said move it up. So NOW I have to try to get him in with a different neuro
which means trying to get the girl to call me back from the ped office. Do you
reckon if I went up there and acted like an idiot like most crack headed
welfare moms they would get me in quicker? I mean I’m not ashamed to act like
an idiot if it helps my child. Yes I am looking for a new ped… Then for my good
news. AWESOME NEWS we (Noah) are going stimulant free. I am anti stimulant but
have been bitterly and begrudgingly giving my child the prescribed stimulant
when required. But as of today he no longer has a prescription for a stimulant
medication and I couldn’t be happier. Now do PRAY PRAY PRAY this transition will
NOT be easy and I do not expect it to. I have a socially awkward, hyperactive 9
year old he doesn’t go from 1 to 10 in increments he is either completely
indifferent or over the top he doesn’t go happy more happy little more happy he
goes indifferent-OH MY GOD SHINY BUG!!! Very loud very over the top. And we
have some behavioral issues. But I have complete and utter FAITH that this is
whets best for him and me. I know it’s not an easy road. And I know that I am
NOT mentally strong enough for this. But here goes I took this step. And
Casting Crowns I will praise you in this storm is running through my head. I
have taken on responsibility at church, and now my home life is about to get
shook up. So. I’m going to praise God for the good the bad and the ugly. If
your name is not AMANDA PUFHAL , and I don’t answer my phone don’t worry I’m in
my blankey fort crying and praying and at the end of it I'll get up and wipe my
tears away and try again. Oh! That reminds me! I have been trying to wean
myself from my dependence on my electronics. So there are times where I will
walk off and leave my phone... again no worries im not dead somewhere chances
are I’m outside and the phone is inside. J
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