Meltdown Momma

Maybe it's hormones. I don't know. The last few days I can only use the words hell on earth to describe. I said a cuss word. Literally. I am so emotionally unstable that at any moment I will be crying. And true to my word today my phone rang. I don't think I even answered when Amanda called! My word of the day no week is over stimulated. As an adult I struggle with OCD, ADHD, and for the heck of it let's just sprinkle in some good ole fashion depression and self worth problems. I am unmedicated at the moment. Sometimes it's not so bad. Others well just don't come to my house. I am so scatter brained I can barley function. The endless lists I make never get finished because I get distracted by another list I found anyway where was I? See that what I mean?!!! Between me and Noah this weekend has been full of tears. Friday was not so bad. I let him stay up late we were at papaws and had a lil Bon fire going. Saturday he slept until 11:30. Literally. But we didn't get home until like 11 something granted he crawled right in bed. So did Ella. Once awake he discovers other kids in the house and then shortly after they leave there is an Easter get together in the courtyard and immediately after that we went out to eat. He was JUST fine until we got home and started winding down. Then it happened. The meanest mother made him take a shower. Not only did I make him take a shower I made him let ME wash his hair. Because well he had a few twigs in there and GOD only knows what else. I give him his space in the shower and I was coming to wash his hair an Pandora's box was open. He did not want his hair washed. His muscles in his arms are not the stablest and to top that he was tired. Long story short. I mopped last night because he sprayed me it was on accident but I still spanked him. I mean seriously this is the 3rd time in a month that he has "flooded" the house well maybe 2 months. You get my point. I get his hair clean as he's crying the WHOLE time crocodile tears. Bawling. Then he gets out and  I feel bad because maybe I snapped at him. I could be more understanding. Blah blah blah. So I hug him until he stops crying at this point he's been crying for 15 minutes. I get him in bed and he realizes it's bunny night. He starts crying again because well I'm honest. I had NO money and couldn't buy them anything (Tiffany gave me some money I did get them something) I assure him this creature is coming and hold him again. He finally fell asleep! Hallelujah!!! Yay it morning the rabbit came! No no tears already! It's not what he wanted. Meanwhile E is happy as a tick on a fat puppy she got a pink bunny!! Woot! Now in this house to eliminate the you love her more thing they get the EXACT SAME THING!! Just he gets blue or green she gets pink or purple. So he's crying. And I'm trying to get ready for church. Oh look there's candy in there Ella tells him. It's your favorite. Little momma to the rescue so big momma can shower! She gets him calmed down and I promise him. If the basket he wants which was at the grocery store is still there we will buy it when I stop to get him breakfast because at this point I have no time! He agrees this is a compromise he can live with. He gets dressed and we sat out. Mind you Ella was dressed and had her hair fixed by the time I got out of the shower (side note: how does she do this?!?) we get to FG and begin to order their breakfast then I pay for it we are walking back up to the front because I forgot to get them a drink. The basket is gone. Right there in the middle of the store he starts crying. Bawling that his basket is gone and it's not fair and at this point this ha been the hardest week of my life detoxing headaches crying bellyaches. I've been pretty strong through all this. In the middle of food giant... I get to the front to pay for their drinks after I've been stared out because my kid is obsessed with this basket. And he is not ashamed to let the whole world know. Now in my haste to get to church an to go pay for their drinks I didn't get a receipt for the doughnut holes and the little girl was gonna charge me again. I dig thru my purse only to realize I didn't get a receipt. So I send Noah (real bright idea) to get the receipt. He is crying the whole way over there 2 minutes pass I can still hear him crying I send Ella to check on him. 2 more minutes later I leave my purse wallet an phone with the girl treck to the deli where Noah has the receipt he is just trolling around looking for this stupid basket! At this point tears are steaming down my face. I am literally at my breaking point. I cry the WHOLE way to church. Tiffany hears me crying at church and comes to check on me. I finally calm down enough to go in and Noah assures me that he is gonna be have. I am still an emotional wreck. Thank God above for Mrs Pat and Tiffany today. I could not have been in nursery. I got to go to Sunday school. I cried some more there. Then we go down to the sanctuary and Noah is wrapping one of the flags around his neck an playing with it I make him stop the someone TOUCHES him and his composure breaks. I'm already a basket case so I try to hustle him out for three elderly ladies to see me scolding him. I find a quiet dark room to remove the stimuli. I'm crying he's crying we finally settle down he's ready to go back out and 10 seconds later it happens again. I left church came home and made him take a nap! Then we wake up to head to some planned events we missed one but actually attended the other an he's at it again. The bunny was a dud and hEs crying because the bubbles don't work. I am at the end of my rope and I scream those bubbles ARE NOT BROKE I JUST BOUGHT THEM YESTERDAY! He stops dead in his tracks... More crying we get where we are going and Glory above my parents are there and Dad took over and I got a small break. So far tonight he's ok. He's in bed. Asleep. I feel terrible. Poor Ella is getting shafted of her mom. This is so unfair. She hasn't complained one time this whole week. She busted her lip with ice and just ask for tissue. No crying nothing. God knows what he's doing. I haven't figured it out yet. I'm working on it. Keep praying. Pray this gets better!