Grief and Noah

 Noah doesn't process like I do. He's different. It's not bad, it's just different. Today I had to deliver the news that his first grade teacher had an accident and went to be with Jesus. Now this isn't the first loss he has ever experienced, and it won't be the last. Each time I have had to deliver this message I get a different response. Today he just stood there. And since he's my child I saw the look in his face. I knew what was about to happen but I was powerless to stop it. He was frozen. Time stood still. He finally went to his room to what I thought was play guitar. He picked some but then I hear quiet... Too quiet, he had shut the door. When I walked in he was sitting there quietly. I told him it's ok to cry. It's ok to know you will miss her and that you love her Ella was being completely insensitive and that made our situation worse! Noah and I were both crying. Talking about Jesus and Mrs Lindsey. If you know Noah at all, school was a huge challenge. He struggled in Kindergarden (before autism dx) but we were fortunate that our second year he got the same teacher so his 2nd year went a lot better. He doesn't cope with change to well. He's getting better. 1st grade started and he had Mrs Edwards and Mrs Lindsey was a student teacher in the class. Mrs Edwards had to take over a different class and somehow by some small miracle Noah loved Lindsey. He didn't have a single problem with the transition. It was still a pretty rough year tho. Lindsey stood by him though and loved him and us and helped us grow. It is now after 9 and my sweet boy is still upset. Understandably. He said momma she didn't get to do anything. She was so young. I said Noah she taught you. She helped shape you, and develop you. She did some of the best work that can be done and she loved it. No matter how much you say: she's in a better place, it doesn't take away the hurt, the pain, the tears. It's in your darkest hour you let people see the light inside you. I pray for her family in the days coming and I hope you do as well. In the meantime let this serve as a reminder make every moment count. Strive to not be so critical and show love to everyone you encounter. I myself held my babies a little tighter tonight. And made it a point to make sure the last thing they hear me say tonight is nothing but good from me, nothing but love. Every moment is precious and not guaranteed. Make the most of it.