Random/VBS #1

For the second time in my life today, I was told that my children are my downfall. Its Fathers day. A day where we are suppose to lavish praise and adoration on the fathers of our children. Well since I have an obvious lack in that area. We spent the day with my parents. And as it always does my relationship status comes up. Why does this define who I am? Better yet why does this define my ability as a parent? I made the suggestion to someone, we will call him Fred. Anyway “Fred” said that I needed to find a man, preferably with a job to take care of me. I said ok if it means that much to you here you find me a man with a job that will take care of me. But he can’t be white. Because well every time I’ve tried to date a white person it doesn’t end well. Fred says yea because they find out you’ve been with a black man and don’t want anything to do with you. Is that really how this society that we live in is? I don’t have a problem with my children’s race. Why should I expect subpar relationships or treatment because I didn’t fit in the cookie cutter southern girl tray? And I’m not totally discrediting a white man. But the problem I have run into is this: I refuse to dummy down myself to be a perfect southern belle. I’m not an idiot and I REFUSE to act like imp some dingy blonde. I want a man I can spend my life talking to without having to break down my words. I want a man who is going to chase me, be enamored with me. I am passionately in love with me, and I have a few old school beliefs. For example. If a man wants to be a part of a woman’s life. He will pursue you. If I have to beg to spend time with someone. You obviously don’t want to be with me. Also, you can ask my friend Angie Weston. I utter the words; I hate to call because I don’t want to be a bother to anyone. She assures me it’s ok to call. Yet I still don’t. Because I don’t want to bother them. I also believe that if someone interests your man, and he becomes overly flattered it’s perfectly ok to say ok and walk away. If you can be tempted by a jezebel you weren’t mine to begin with…  What do you say to someone who says stuff like this? How do you come back? I mean no it is not my intention to stay single my whole life. I pray fervently that God will send the man he has designed for me into my life. But like my planting analogy. I tend to get in the way of Gods plan sometimes. Michelle has said that this dude needs to be in the front row of the church waving a sign that says “Shelly!! This IS your guy!!” and that’s probably true. Ok now that it’s written down. Moving on. Today was VBS kick off at CV-Baptist. This is not my home church but, for the third year. I was ask to help. Today while sitting in a church that is not my home church Mary Riley said VBS is not just for the kids and it hit me there. My testimony, coming to the Lord with a fully serving heart. Happened 3 years ago. In the back row of Cherry Valley Baptist Church. See I wasn’t living my life for the Lord. But someone and I don’t even remember who invited my kids to Vacation Bible School. It was like 3 hours long. And at the time I was living with Randall and we were fighting. Which was more often than not. So I didn’t want to go home. God had been weighing heavily on my heart. So I had bought a journal and decided that I was going to start writing out my prayers. I was in this back row writing in my book. And the first day no one bothered me. The second day a sweet woman named Mary came and checked on me. (wasn’t Mary riley and I have no idea what her last name is) anyway she basically invited me to help. Now this was not my church, in my mind normal churches accept help only from its members. That week went by and each day I was blessed. And I have not looked back since. I have formed a real relationship with Christ. This is the third year and I am honored to be ask to help. I absolutely love seeing all the children and love all the questions. Now I help at my home church too. But my walk with Christ. My path to righteousness started on the back row of a VBS rally. I encourage you to seek out Vacation Bible schools. Just stick around and absorb the spirit. Your life will be changed!

No Go Gardener!

For the past month or so i have been "growing" some seeds. Well some sprouted but they shot up to fast and then the stems were to weak so they died a slow painful death! I obviously don't have a green thumb ;). About a week ago in utter frustration I dumper all my carefully tended to little pots into the pot I had intended to transplant them to when they were a bit grown. See I had carefully tended to these plants. Separated seeds and bought tiny little biodegradable planters. It was a rough afternoon getting everything set up to plant. Then watering ohh my. I used a eye dropper because I didn't want to hurt my seeds. So I got frustrated after like the fourth little pot of sprouts died. Said forget it I give up on gardening. And I dumped them all out in the big pot and got a gallon of water and dumped it on them. Said forget it if they grow they grow if they don't well they don't. No harm no foul. Today I noticed a little green sprout and the kids counted 10 sprouts total. And I've been thinking, it's kinda like prayer. You know how you pray and pray and pray and nothing seems to be changing or happening. But the moment you give up on it and throw it up in Gods big pot things change. The point in praying is to depend on God. No amount of earthly cultivating can help you. I have a big problem of not praying things through. What if I'm just one prayer short. I also have a problem of praying for Gods divine help, then trying to fix it myself! Like meddling with the plants I'm interfering with Gods plan and course. How can I expect Him to work if I won't stop meddling? That's pretty much my thought for the night. To long for a FB post. So hey I'll blog it ;) 

Just another day

I have a lot to catch up on. There's been a lot going on. First and foremost. We had a LeBonheur  appointment last Friday. It went semi ok. It's still to be determined. We get to go spend a few days being tested.  Peachy! I'm excited, yet scared. So far here's what our new MD told us: his EEG is abnormal from a different area than it was. In a way that isn't indicative of seizures but it's odd enough that we will be tested! *sigh* good news: he will undergo a battery of tests and when we leave that place we will have answers! Yay! From the way he described the test he would be evaluated head to toe! So that's one hurdle conquered. Next hurdle? Divorce court on Wednesday. Now when I called legal aid, even though I'm in the situation I'm in. I'm not qualified for their help. So they refer me to a website that will prepare papers for you an you pay $165 to file them and you get divorced. This was the magic they told me. Not one person said your gonna have to actually know what your doing. I was told take it to the judge he will sign off on it and you'll be divorced! Oh happy day! I can do that. But that's not how it went down. I was totally unprepared. I had no clue what to say to obtain this divorce. After the third time the judge finally signed off on it. So I'm 1 week divorced today. Has anything changed? No not really because I was only legally married. I live alone with my littles. I'm not missing anyone. I just didn't want to be legally tied to him. And then there's the DATE. Which well went fantastic. I haven't met such a sweet caring person in a long time. I had fun! I choked on a chewy sweet tart. We watched a movie and battled sleep. I laughed! I enjoyed myself. You know you always hope you'll meet that guy that will hold the door open for you and make your leg pop like in the movies? Well it wasn't all sappy but it was comfortable. I wasn't nervous it wasn't crazy awkward. I hid my phone from myself and spent uninterrupted time with this guy! And now I keep getting ask. Is there gonna be a second date? Which I legitimately hadn't thought about. I mean I'm pretty sure there will be but we haven't like set a specific date again. We have talked everyday since the date, but I'm not investing to much into it. It was 1 date. Tomorrow Ella graduates from Kindergarden and I'm a bit sad. Because well she's my baby. And this year has flown by so fast :(! Summer hasn't even really started and already I'm pretty sure I'm on burn #5! Who does that? I'm not even a ginger and I use sunblock. I am just now able to not take Tylenol and not have fever. Literally I took some at about 2 and so far I'm fever free. I use sunblock. And I try not to stay out there to long. Pray for me. This is gonna be a treacherous summer at the rate I'm going! Sorry this post is so random. I just had a lot to throw out there!