My salvation story

I do my best writing at night, alone. In the dark in the notes section I my iPhone. It's easy, it takes minimal effort and I can get it accomplished. I was challenged today well yesterday to tell my salvation story. So here goes:
My family didn't go to church when I was a child. I remember going with my grandma to special occasions and such but it wasn't an every Sunday deal. I don't remember hearing about God on a daily basis. I can't tell you how old I was. But my friend Jean invited me to church, even better her parents offered to take me an bring me back home. So I started going. It was an every Sunday thing for Shelly. But not for the rest of my family. I remember sitting in a pew of the church and I just don't know I couldn't explain it. I didn't want to go to hell. I'd heard the preacher preach. And I knew I did not want to be there. So Jesus came into my heart. Just like that. I was baptized and life went on. Nothing changed everything stayed the same. Our family moved so I no longer had a free ride to church. I became the typical teenager. The things I did I'm ashamed to even start the list so I won't. God knows, I know, and if you knew me then you know. This all changed in the year 2004! After a shady date with a shady guy because well let's face it I was lost. I became pregnant with Noah. I knew I was carrying an interracial child. I knew that it was still taboo in our town. I knew that the guy said. "Take care of it I don't want a baby". And this small lingering voice, said oh I don't think so. I have bigger plans for you. I told the man I didn't believe in abortion. Because I don't. While I wasn't raised in church persay I was raised to own up to your mistake and do hat you have to do to make it right. So I considered adoption. Because well I was 22 living at home. Parents were divorcing, I worked at WALMART! I had dreams of this child but I didn't know how on earth I was going to raise a child. I was broke and desperate. And along came Charlie. Who had all these plans and dreams an was a sweet talker and a charmer and I was seeking a love that man can't give. But here was this man offering it! I hoped on a plane to Texas. I had never even met him, but I moved in with him. How messed up is that?!? What if he wanted to kill me? He could have because I jumped ship and left my family.  He was perfect.. At first... Then one time he snapped and drug my pregnant butt by my hair through the yard and beat the snot out of me. Then he promised never to do it again.. It happened again.. It's a cycle. And I understand the mentality of the woman who can't leave. It's hard. It took me 5 years and 2 pregnancies to do it. (Not counting Noah's) well I had problems being pregnant I'm fat. And fat people hav diabetes. And so I had blood sugar problems. And high blood pressure and my kidneys started shutting down. Was all this enough for me to turn back to God? No. I was induced when Noah was like 6 weeks prior from his due date. And me big bad strong smart person I am had it in my head I was gonna go drug free. And I did. For 24 full hours. I don't remember labor now. Funny how that works. What I do remember is my dr being so tired after 24 hours he finally went home. And a hour later (right as I ask for something for the pain) the new dr came in and said your dr told me your dead set about not getting a cesarian. But we might need to talk about it. Your baby's heart rate is dropping.  Without missing a beat I said ok let's go. Get him out. He stood there shocked. Because he had been warned. I would fight! Well they took me back cut me open and delivered my little man. Oh happy day. I had too much anesthesia so I went into shock. I was cut the old way thru the fat rolls and everything. When I finally came back around a foreign dr came to my room to talk about Noah. He was a sick little dude. He couldn't regulate his body temp. He wouldn't eat. He was dehydrated and they couldn't get a iv started so they had to go through his umbilical cord. Oh and I couldn't see him... Because I just had major surgery 4 hours ago and I wasn't spose to get out of bed. They did bring me a Polaroid picture of him tho.. That was comforting. That's the day. After some sweet talkin. Oh who am I kidding. I defied the Drs and slowly but surely with my mom at my side made my way down to see my baby. They let me touch his hand. That was it.  I sat at that incubator hurting like all get out. Touching this little person who had been inside of me and I cried out to God. I begged God to make my baby better. Every little progression he made would throw the nurses for a loop. He was in step down by the third day and day 4 we went home.  Then more trouble. I got septic. Infection racked my body. I can't have penicillin so I had to have a antibiotic cocktail. And it was ROUGH! Blew my veins and I had to have a minor surgery everyday for 7 days to debreed my open wound. I had a huge open wound on my stomach. It had to heal from the inside out. I couldn't see my baby. My mom had him but even that is hard. I yearned for him. My parents had literally just made it back to Arkansas when I was admitted to the hospital. They had to turn around and come back an my dad dropped my mom off and then he went back home to Arkansas to work.it was a miserable time in my life. And I had a lot of time to talk to God. Did I use it wisely? Not really. I backslid for a bit then I got a job an this preacher called in to place an ad in the magazine I was working at. He invited me to church and we had a conversation over the phone and when I showed up to church it felt like home. It still does. Celebration Baptist Church. While there the husband and I still had our fights and we would make up. We didn't pray together as a family or anything. He did his thing I did mine.  When Noah was 2 I found out I was pregnant. And this May shock and surprise some of you. But I prayed to God to do something because I didn't want to die. I had come so close to death previously that I wanted no part in having another child. I don't even know how I got pregnant. I cried everyday and I was sick the whole time. I lost my color. They say be careful what you ask for, because it might not really be what you want. At 12 weeks. The baby's heart stopped. And I had to have a dnc. I was filled with guilt. I had prayed for that to happen. But I didn't want it. And I just even now I can't explain it. During the procedure I was filled with so much peace. But afterward the guilt set in. And I sunk into depression. And everyone at church was like you can try again.  I was angry. Well. A year later to the date I find out I'm pregnant. I'm high risk because of the diabetes and blood pressure so I go to the dr right away. No problem everything is fine. Now at this point I had resigned myself to the fact that I was going to die. I wanted to move back home so Noah could get to know mom because well new babies will love whoever loves them. A almost 4 year old needs some adjusting time. But I couldn't commit to moving home until the first time I saw two little heart beats! Then by the 3rd or 4th time I saw two heart beats. We loaded up and came to Arkansas! I was 12 weeks pregnant when we left I was 19 weeks when I go in with an OB here. He said there was only one baby. What happened to the other one. I saw it. I made him look around and I looked. I didn't see the baby. But I'm not an expert. Well sugar was crazy so a week shy of 7 months here comes Ella! Surprise surprise. She was healthy as a horse. And a fat little baby. And I had not a single problem on with recovery. I got up 30 minutes after my c-section to walk and see my baby girl. I mean they took her an evaluated her till I was blue. But she just needed a little oxygen therapy. The abuse at home still continued and it reached it's breaking point when Ella was 6 weeks old. I had already been back working and we got into it over him falling asleep all the time. How can you watch a baby if your nodded off asleep. Anyway long story short. He threw me. I landed on the baby. And that was it. I went outside with the kids looking for the neighbor I had evil in my eye. Hope an her husband were driving by and I was tryin to protect my kids. I ask he to take them and thrusted my tiny little baby thru the window. See he didn't just throw me on the baby he got on top of me and choked the breath out of me. If I hadn't done some stupid crap before I had kids I wouldn't have been able to save myself. For a fat person I'm pretty flexible so I was able to draw my legs to my chest an just started kicking. I didn't care where my foot landed I just wanted him off of me. How perfect was Gods timing that Zack and Hope just happened to be driving by as I was running out of the house with two kids in two screaming for help. My dad eventually stepped in after that and my marriage came to an end. I am still left with the lingering effects. I'm nervous around men.  I jump if I hear a mans voice and I didn't see them walk in. You know classic stuff. Where I'm headed with this. Is years have passed since the.  6 almost. I wasn't as close to God as I am now. And He still had my back through all these events that I would sporadically pray to Him because I believed I just didn't want to do that Christian thing.. And I will tell you why. Because hen you move closer to God the devil has no room to play. And you start loosing what you thought were your "friends" because well your different. You walk different you talk different you think different. You constantly bring up how glorious our Savior is and the devil does not care to hear it. Being a Christian is the hardest thing I have ever commented to do. This is only a bare snippet. Because mostly I talk about Noah and his problems. For the longest time I would ask God what I did to deserve this. Now I praise God for the storm because I know there's a rainbow waiting for me if I can just get through it.