Getting the best of me!!

Today has been rough; Ella has been sick, which means I got sick. Noah has been bouncy! Nothing new! But my patience is wearing very thin. I’m snapping over things that I shouldn’t be. I’m tired. It happens to normal people. I’m fighting a never ending battle and at times I feel like I am NOT strong enough. Then I get a slap in the face. Some people have life way worse than me. Autism has changed my life. But more than that It’s changed who I am how I see things it has pushed me to the brink of madness. The no sleep no eating his beds not right, he wants all the cars around the dining table for supper, he wants to sleep in the floor, he wants to cuddle with me every night no matter how frustrated or tired I am. He will not go to sleep unless we sing the cuddle song. As I started typing this I was supremely frustrated. Both kids have been on fire today. Getting into everything humanly possible. Beating on pots with spoons till I have a headache (both). Kicking the apartment wall so the neighbor has reason to complain (Ella). Beyblading into my breakables (Noah). Shutting her finger in the closet and crying for 45 minutes. Dropping a shelf on his foot because he is doing something he's not suppose to be. Then having the audacity to blame me… it’s my fault because I got the shelf. Not having any clean laundry because we have puked everywhere and all our towels have been used to clean up our minor messes... Eating chips and dropping crumbs everywhere. Getting frustrated and throwing her toy and breaking it. A Flurry of activity when I myself feel like an alien from another planet has landed inside my stomach and is trying with all its might to go back home, trying to run out the door in underwear because he wants to... People coming over phone ringing dog barking (theoretically), all this activity and a frustrated mama!  All I had to do at 8:40 Is write this, give all this to God... wipe my tears and go cuddle my super guy and kiss my baby girl…  If you have a minute… PRAY FOR ME!!!