Cat getting baptized

Call me the queen, of procrastination. Webster’s defines procrastination n. The action of delaying or postponing something. It is 10:33 at night as I am typing this. I am sitting in my bedroom floor because I started rearranging my room today, and didn’t finish so my desk is not situated in a manner that I can work on it… handy right. You are probably thinking, why am I reading this? Because you chose to that’s why and I promise I have a point. A few weeks ago, looking like a deranged person, I was at the local Dollar General and the cashier was in some serious pain, you could tell she was hurting. Me being who I am I said I will pray for you. And wouldn’t you know right there in that moment God spoke to me, He said Alicia Michelle (He calls me Alicia, it’s a relationship thing if you know me and love me you see the Alicia in me) what’s stopping you from praying right now, in my mind we had a conversation it went like this:

Me: There are a lot of people in this line just trying to get home

God: and your point?

Me: Umm I don’t want to stop the flow. I’ve been the person behind the person who is stopping the line.

God: Who’s in charge here

Me: okay fine….

So, I said you know what no I won’t pray for you when I get home right now let’s do this, to the shock of the people behind me in line I stopped and prayed out loud with this person. And then I invited her to church and got her number.  It was empowering. called her the next morning she didn’t answer so I left a message. Well Today I go back to my local store because my Grandma sends me there to get her stuff. And the girl is there. When I am literally walking out, mind you I look like something the cat drug in that the dog wouldn’t play with. I didn’t dry my hair last night so it was sticking up quite fiercely. Ella told me I looked like a monkey this morning… first thing I hadn’t even rolled out of the bed and her face is in my face and she says mom, your hair you look like a monkey. GEE thanks Ella. So, this girl says, hey you’re the woman that prayed for me. Ummmm I’m on the spot. I say Yes that’s me. She says yea how are you small talk and blah blah blah. Well I invite her to church again. Because well that’s what I do. Then it occurred to me that revival was starting tonight. So, I say hey revival tonight at church I’ll pick you up! So, I call her and she puts me on the spot as a Christian I have never ever been ask this question. And I’m honestly ashamed to say I couldn’t answer her….  She said, “What is revival?” Say what?!? Umm I am stumped and I start thinking, I read that book the circle maker, well I didn’t finish it but I got halfway through it and sat it down somewhere and lost it. I have since found it. I lamely said you know churches have revival its where they have a guest speaker come in and kind of stir things up. So, all night I’ve been thinking about the word its self. Like what does revival mean? Because I am going to be prepared to answer this question if it EVER happens again. Revival: an improvement in the condition or strength of something. Like in my heart I know what revival is. It’s when you’re like a fire going out, and its just embers, and the fire captain throws some kindlin on, and a few logs and brings you back to life. It’s a re-awakening lead the dead arise and have fire and passion and be filled with Gods love so fully that they simply can’t contain it.  Why couldn’t I put that in some sort of logical explanation at 4 something this afternoon? I know why. I mean I’m not backslidden but I am not where I once was. I have let my brain get distracted by this world. And The sin that so easily besets me (Hebrews 12:1) is so easy to access. Not a lot of people know my sin. From the outside looking in, you might say this chick has it all together. I don’t, at all. Save who I call my best female friend, she knows. Because I call her and cry when I fall into temptation. So, I listened intently (as much as I could for getting on to my children (I didn’t give Noah Adderall today—what was I thinking) but at invitation, the last part of the service they are singing a song and it’s a song I know and it says something along the lines of my yoke is easy. There’s a part of the bible that says that. HERE: Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest to your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  As I am singing this song to a God that loves me so much even though I FAIL Him daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes by the minute. Lord I am so happy that He loves me because my SIN is big. But those verses? Well heres what I take. If you put that yoke on you, and then fight like a cat getting baptized, it is not easy and it is not light. When you take that yoke on you and follow the path that Christ has lined out for you and you just walk with Him then yes its easy because the loving Father that HE is, HE carries all the weight and you just get to coast along, but this world wants you to be the cat. Wants me to be the cat getting baptized because every cat is being watched just like every person who is letting the Lord guide their lives are being watched. This year has not been my year. Because I have been the cat, trying to get baptized. How many times has God left me when I scratched him? NONE I me Alicia Michelle Mitleff have had not one not two not three not four but five auto accidents this year! JUST THIS YEAR. I’ve praised God that I walked away every single time, but I still lived in this world. I still sinned. We all sin. But I just blatantly was doing it planning it. Making it happen. Being convicted. There’s one person bless his soul, I love him but can’t stand to be around him because when he speaks out comes God, and I get convicted. And I told the person that. That conviction is because I’m saved Jesus is in me; I’m just doing the whole cat thing… It’s hard to admit. I haven’t been what I can be. I haven’t been studying the way I was at one point I stopped making it a priority and made it an afterthought. Case in point, I should be in bed. I am usually asleep by 10 unless I’m working. I like sleep. Normally I would have put this off but tonight God spoke to me. And the visiting pastor said “This may be the LAST invitation you ever hear.” And normally I would be like oh yea whatever but that little voice in my head said, “Alicia I have had your butt 5 times this year and you still won’t learn you are the most hardheaded child I have. I love you but this is IT! And it is. So, if you are reading this and you are one of the people that assist or allow me to sin and you find that I am not responding to your texts and calls. Well it’s because I choose LIFE!

Long winded I know.

Thanks for reading!!

Shelly

I am the 1

Today's thought is. I am the one.

Today I finished raking up some sticks and leaves that were in my little yard area.  And someone called me crazy. I like to be outside and I like to rake. I know it's not everyone's favorite time. But it's my favorite time. The statement was you know someone gets paid to do that? See I live in apartments, so someone does get paid to maintain the lawn probably. But I said so they don't do it so I am. And it got me to thinking about something I heard at church. Be the one. In ministry one of the areas that is always lacking is volunteers. Because we all say someone else will do it. But the problem is, someone else is me. Someone else is you. We have to at some point say pick me. Let me serve God. I may not be good at it but here I am use me. And I do. More often than not I will float and do whatever is needed. I don't have kids in the nursery. But you will find me there. I don't have kids in some of the classes I teach, but I can be found there also from time to time. I said my house was messy. When really it's just cluttered. It's more presentable now. But my statement pertaining the leaves and it not being my job. I said I know it's not my job but I have to live here and where there is brush, leaves, and debris. There are snakes. And just like I don't want a snake in my home, I don't want a snake in my yard. So I am the one. Here I am Lord, send me. I know this one isn't normal. Too much for a Facebook so now it's a blog!

The woman at the well

I wrote this a long time ago but didn't post it because I couldn't finish it and I didn't know why, it wasn't time. It's time now:

I am the woman at the well.

Prepare this one is going to be different. It shockingly didn’t come to me from a song. I know, I know, music is my thing, but this time it’s different. Tonight at church, while Jason was preaching, (sorry Jason) the story of the women at the well just wouldn’t leave me alone. So I googled it, which is what our generation does when we don’t know where something is.
Pick up your bible and read John 4:3-42 or don't and come back.
Ready for the me part? I have been married twice, I have been divorced twice. And I am in a world that takes Christian values and chews them up and eats them for dinner. In this world it is not only OKAY but it is acceptible to show gay pride, muslim pride, insert relgion here pride,  but its not okay to say Christian Pride. I am not without sin. In fact sin is my life, and I am striving to overcome it. I can complety relate to the Samaritan woman, for the man I am with is not my husband. It’s very easy to get caught up in the daily grind and feel sorry for yourself, what is the rest of the story? Jesus told this woman to bring the man even though he wasnt her husband, to the well with her, so that he could drink of the water and no longer be thirsty. See Jesus offered his life so that we wouldnt have to, He offered the water to the woman who was in todays terms a floozy. Okay that is putting it nicely. He wasnt just offering this gift to the snow white already, He offered this to people like me. I have never denied my skirmishes with sin, Its not easy in todays world to stand firm and be perfect, we all fold sometimes. I want to know the rest of this story.

Today: I even wrote I want to know the rest of the story, because I have meditated on this chapter. I can remember that at night service Michael sang come to the well as a special and I remember being FLOORED By Gods conviction. I told my friend a few days ago that I very much disliked the 4th chapter in the book of John. And she said it's because you relate to it. Just as she related to Job. (To be honest at this moment in life I relate to Job a lot) I did everything in my power to avoid the woman at the well. I didn't want to read it didn't want to sing it didn't want to hear it but the woman will not leave me alone. It's like a bad virus that just keeps coming back to me. A few days ago I got caught up in a single sin. Sinful thought, sinful action just sin. An since the one true King resides in me, I became convicted. Ugh! Well I let the devil win a battle but he hasn't won the war. I don't know why or what possessed me but more than anything I was in my head singing leave it all behind leave it all behind.. You know the song. I digress. Within moments I was you tubing the song I don't like and singing my heart out talking to God listening to God just being in Gods presence. Mind you I was on my way to work and said friend said to me last night now I know why you didn't answer me. Now I said I was going to take a break from Facebook so I started doing bible study's and devotional like crazy if I had 3 minutes to spend I spent it in Gods word. And I am not kidding when I say every day I've been in John 4. Maybe not even in the devotional that I chose but I had like 4 going on you version at the same time. So if it wasn't in one it was in one of the other 3. All 4 of them were over different topics I didn't think they would ever take me to that woman in Samaria because well I avoid her. I'm like a kid with a vegetable I don't like, shove it under the napkin and hope your mom didn't see you.  In any event I have deeply meditated over this portion of the bible over the last week. And if I had to pick just one verse to say is my favorite I would have to pick 2 ,
1.“Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.”
‭‭John‬ ‭4:10‬ ‭KJV‬‬
2: “Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.”
‭‭John‬ ‭4:34‬ ‭KJV‬‬

In verse 10 it says basically. You don't know what God has for you, if you did you wouldn't question it you would take it. You would want it. From the beginning I have said I don't know what Gods plan is for me but somehow some way He will use me. And in 34, my food my sustenance comes from doing the work of my Father. It is really hard to do the work of our Father when we are caught up in the sin life. I just had a moment. I realized the alter is the well. Like just happened. I use to hate alter time at church. When I was playing Christian I didn't like it. Why because God talked to me and I didn't want to listen. Now I can't wait until alter time. Alter call is all the time. I live in a prayerful attitude most of the time. The other day someone I won't say who but someone told me I was selfish and that it's not always all about me. (If your reading this, thanks for always slapping me in the face with the truth) immediately I was like No I'm not. I am the least selfish person you'll meet. But I am selfish and so are you. Because that's how the devil operates within is us. He says to us well what about you. How are you benefiting from this and blah blah blah. He comes to deceive is us into working for him so we take our eyes off of God for a moment. And I have been guilty of taking my eyes off the prize. I have been guilty of dropping the ball. I have been guilty of reaching out for comfort from someone of this world that was a temporary fix. And I very much dislike the taste of that in my mouth.  I dislike that I have this mentality of I need someone or something in my life other than God. I have said before it's not that I'm un happy being single (for the record, I am not currently without a partner-not married but I'm not a single Pringle)  I'm not I'm good at it it's what I know. Sometimes it's lonely and very easy to let the world creep in. I just saw something that said Thank God for the things He didn't let happen. And before anyone says anything about being single. Depression is a real thing. I'm not saying it's from God because He doesn't like to see us that way but it's real. Anxiety is a real thing and is talked about in the bible. Both of those are weapons the enemy uses to distract us from our God given purpose. Right now in this moment in time I am thankful for the things that God has kept from me. I am thankful for the mercy and grace He shows me. I am thankful that I serve a forgiving loving Father and not some authoritative figure who only ever punishes. Here I am embracing myself as the woman at the well the woman that I didn't like. The woman who turns many people to Christ. This woman who ask for the living water. The woman who says this world is not my home. I am here to serve God. I love this living water flowing over me.

I'm a MESS

Why do I always want to write when I don't have a computer at my disposal with Internet access. I'm telling you for weeks now this has been bothering me. And it just keeps nagging so here goes. So I'm a mess. A complete and total mess there I said it. I'm a mess! You know what's beautiful about my broken mess? God still loves me! Even in my sin filled state. HE still loves me. I'm not perfect I fall short daily. A lot has occurred in the last 6 months and my RELATIONSHIP with our Father is stronger than it has ever been. I say relationship because well religion will get you no where. I can play church with the best of them. But the relationship under that religion has to be there. I'm blessed enough to be a part of a church home that isn't completely full of hypocrites, we have room for a few more, and for the friends of the hypocrite (glutton, lies, addiction) you name it bring it to the alter. Not long ago I discovered that the devil is about at the end of his rope with me! You know how? Because so much has happened. So many attacks and I've said Gods got this and got me. It's okay. I've even said to people watching me go through this. God has a purpose. Someone somewhere is watching me and seeing me be strong in faith. Well then the little snake starts telling me that I am not good enough. That God doesn't want me. And bringing up things that I haven't thought of in years. And people come out of the woodwork. Literally. People just sending me messages emails snail mail. You name it. I changed my phone number. Changed my name on Facebook to reflect the name that my mother chose for me on the day of my birth yet there are still people determined enough to seep through. Here's the message I received last night: him: Can I come see you. Me: I don't think My God or my boyfriend would appreciate that very much.  Him: I wish you would have never lost your apartment. We could still be seeing each other. (Mind you it was in sin) my reply? I said no we couldn't have God would have stopped it somehow some way. And then he said man you have changed. Not that I need someone to tell me I've changed because I know. And I have beat myself to death saying maybe I shouldn't have even responded maybe I should have ignored it. Blocked it. Let it go. And that's the problem with me. I don't face my problems. I run from them. I hide. I try to help everyone else because it's easier than dealing with the mess inside of me. A few days ago I went to my first concert. It was a gift from a friend and it was Casting Crowns and Mark Hall was telling everyone there about how EVERYBODY in church was sick but everyone was perfect because we pray if your sick but nobody ever brings their mess to church and lays it down and says church family. I am a mess. I am addicted to food (my personal issue[more on that later]) or I'm addicted to sex or I'm in serious debt or everyday daily struggles. Just mess. He said his dad was like two different people one person until he hit the church parking lot and then this other person once they hit the gravel.  He said I use to sit back and think WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!? And can we take them home with us. Because this isn't the normal everyday. We slap on a face of religion. He even said he thought it was something in the gravel so he picked up a few handfuls and sprinkled it around his house. At some point he said or I heard maybe not from Mark, worship is the opposite of praying. Praying we are asking for something. Asking for love worshiping well we are pouring out our love as long as the words aren't just lip service.  For a long time I didn't understand "worship" I was like some of these people are CRAZY with a K so KRAZY!! I'm not saying this is recent. But at one point in my younger days.. Anyway I digress. I have always loved singing music anything associated with the sounds. I took choir in school and LOVED it. I can remember clearly my first real worship service. I was barely pregnant with Noah. And it was a Pentecostal church. And I literally ran from the building scary stuff if you've just dabbled in worship. They should hand out a flyer before you walk in the church and make you sign a form saying that if any harm occurs to you the church isn't responsible. Then I moved to Texas, became a parent, and met the first preacher that would change my adult life. I was selling ad space and he bought one, and jokingly said you have to come to church if I buy this. I was interested in church but was in a town I knew no one. I told him I would come but that I wasn't going to tell him when I was coming because I didn't want him to be prepared. I wanted a real experience. And I got one and grew there I learned I bloomed I loved it. Then I moved to Arkansas. I discovered k love. Which I still dabble in secular music from time to time. But 97% of my auditory information is worship music. I sing I cry I pray. But I really didn't learn how to pray until I really really started worshiping. I poured my heart out in all the music I sang to God. (He loves the joyful NOISE) and I found that my prayer life changed. If I don't think about it I can spend hours and hours in between praising and praying. It just happens. But that's why the devil is stooping to a low with me. Because I just keep on praising. I haven't ever in my life had a "healthy" relationship based on love trust and faith. I don't know how to talk to people I'm comfortable text messaging. And I've had to learn how to talk. Like to a person. I've had to learn how to communicate my needs. I've had to learn a lot and the snake keeps saying things like:" he doesn't love you" and I have to say God loves me, and this is in Gods hands. The snake tells me a lot and makes me or try's to make me doubt myself and if I'm worthy. On 3 separate occasions he had his victory. Because I sabotaged my relationship because I believed the devils lies. I believed that no one would ever love me. I believed that not one person could ever be honest and true to me. I believed that I was ugly. I believed that I was worthless I believed  a lot.  And then the devil shrinks back when I start praising and saying my God. Is a good good father and HE says i'm good enough. It's hard when all the devil has to attack you with is yourself. Because I was already a broken horrible mess. And now I'm fighting a fight with an opponent who use to be the worship leader and is now doing everything he can to take me down with him. I cried Friday. Like bawled. The devil got close to me. I've been an emotional mess lately and my car broke down and I had a moment. It was terrible. God held me. Held on to me. My breakdown moment a few people were texting me. And encouraging me and telling me never to give up. And the devil will even use your phone or lack of signal against you. Because I didn't have a signal so I didn't get the encouraging texts until after id sucked it up and got back with God. I quit praising for one moment so the devil said I win. But he didn't. Because yes I was crying. And yes I said I can't do this anymore. But my Abba father picked me up and carried me through my pain. I never know how to end these. So this is it. 
-a beautiful mess
P.s. I'm using the "block" feature I may be a failure but I don't want to be a repeat offender. 

Luck...

Websters defines Luck as 1 (noun) success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one’s own actions. 2 (verb) chance to find or acquire. I have never been a huge believer in “luck” be it good or bad. I completely believe that every single thing that happens to someone is totally completely done because God lets it happen. (stick with me here) Maybe at one time before Christ I believed in luck. but After Christ, nope no way no chance. Why am I saying this? To say this: I have the worst luck ever!!!! Literally, I have recently done a complete turn around with my life. I have really put my life in Gods hands and said OKAY lead me, break my heart, humble my heart, make my words mimic yours, make my heart mimic yours, even specifically saying: Lord break my heart for what breaks Yours. So, when you do this when anyone does this not just me. The devil is going to start to attack you, and you think you will break. At one point in the not to far past I was a complainer, I complained about everything. I had an attitude adjustment and started owning up, and PRAISING when I really wanted to cry. So not the whole world knows what I am about to type. On 1/1/16 a mere 20 minutes after midnight, I totalled my car. mind you since I had a financial set back and had just hours earlier finally gotten caught up on payments, I was no longer past due. This has yet to be settled. I acquired a new whip two weeks ago, maybe less. Today I was L-boned. I would say T-boned but literally the woman pulled out and hit the passenger side front fender. (Coincidentally  both accidents all the damage was in the same location on the cars) Both times I walked away, both times all I have is minor damage to my body, 2 total losses (pending appraisal) both times air bags deployed, and I didn't get hit, both times my seat belt left a huge bruise on me, in less than 60 days. WHAT THE CRAP!!!! I'm not struggling money wise I mean I'm  not great but I'm not anywhere where I need to be. now in a way earlier post I mentioned that my favorite verse is in James, 1:2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 4 But let patience have her perfect work that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. 5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given to him. (KJV)  and because my sweet honey bear gave me a CEV bible for Christmas (I know I know shock and awe ensues- not that I got a bible, but that I have a honey bear.) Here goes how I love this, the way it reads. 2 My friends, be glad even if you have a lot of trouble. 3 You know you learn to endure by having your FAITH tested. 4 But you must learn to endure everything, so you will be completely mature and not lacking in anything. 5 If any of you need wisdom, you should ask God, and it will be given to you. God is generous and won’t correct you for asking.  It goes on and says basically don't ask if you don’t already know that God isn't going to deliver because if you do you cant be trusted. I said all that to say this. I am completely broken for the Lord, I have prayed specifically that if something or someone was keeping me from glorifying God, then that person or thing be removed from my life. I have gone from good to bad to worse, and literally today when the accident happened I notified the proper authorities, I called my honey bear because well, I depend on that man, and I sent some texts saying PRAY for this woman that hit me there is blood shes bad. I'm not saying this because I am the perfect christian, I'm saying this because I have some specific prayer requests, Pray for the woman who hit me, I know she is at home. Pray for my family, pray that I am able to get both of these accidents settled, pray that I am able to acquire another vehicle. Pray that I never stop praising the one true King, just be still and pray. Meanwhile I refuse luck and embrace my Father God.