Here I lay...

Tonight has been traumatic for me, I'm afraid of storms, I have no reason to be but for as long as I can remember I have always been. I was sound asleep when the storm actually woke me up. Kids slept thru it! (yay for minor victorys) today when the mail was checked I got the greatest surprise ever!! After a month or so( mor the or so) my semi good name is clear, I forgive the person but I'm still hurt by it. I have a crapload of reading to do and some MATH (yuck) to do I'm grateful tomorrow is a "study day" for me. Here it is almost 1 am and I'm awake, trying to catch the dog diggin in the trash! I know it's her why do I want to catch her? The kids arnt gettin up and dumping the trash in the floor and scattering it all over the bathroom, it's the dog. I'm aware I've lost it. The coming week has many adventures, Noah has to go get fillings Wednesday (oh joy) pray for us this is our first time. There's so much greatness coming down the pike in ready to tackle it and move on. ok that's my rant for the night see y'all about 5:20 am.

Strong Enough

Time and time I go back to my favorite bible verse, as many of you know I have 2 biological children, my son is special. I remember something my Grandma told me as I was discussing all his problems one day, she said “maybe you’re looking at this the wrong way, Gods not punishing you , He has simply said, You my child are strong enough to do this… here lately a song by Matthew West: Strong Enough has plagued me. The lyrics say: You must You must think I’m strong, to give me what I going through, well forgive me forgive me if I’m wrong but this looks like more than I can do ON MY OWN, I know I’m not strong enough to be everything I’m supposed to be I give up I’m not strong enough hands of mercy wont you cover me Lord right now I’m asking you to be strong enough for both of us…   it so continues. I find myself listening to more Christian music lately and digging for inspiration. My point is I feel overwhelmed. LIFE is hectic, 2 bio kids 2 steps a boyfriend with CRAZY hours, and taking 14 hours this semester. The semester hasn’t even really begun yet I feel overwhelmed. I find myself needing balance, a happy place. I find myself snapping about non important things. This saddens me.  Then there’s this guilt I’m currently feeling for even feeling like this, WHY: because I’m pretty dang fortunate, I don’t currently have to work to stay afloat yea I don’t have a lot of luxuries I’ve been use to. But I’m not as stressed as some people are. I have two wonderful babies that for whatever reason GOD saw fit to bless me with, I’m a sinner, yet I’ve received some of the greatest blessings on earth. My two little people make my quality of life SO MUCH BETTER. It’s the little moments of being a mom I am learning to cherish. I don’t deserve what I’ve been blessed with, yet I have it…and in my weak moments I can cry out I SIMPLY CANT DO THIS HELP ME FATHER and poof like magic He picks me up and carries me ok off my tangent.. Night