I didn’t think I deserved you...

 Wow this one is deep buckle up. This is a dedication to Duck. 

Thank you for changing my life. 

I didn’t think I deserved you. 

I didn’t think of myself as a human worthy of love outside of sex. Crazy how one year later I see how life has come full circle. How just by giving me love and nurturing me without expecting my body as a reward or a treat, I can see how you have changed me. You have made me stronger and I didn’t see it. Each time you’ve made me say I hate you. You are right. I have grown. Each time you hurt my feelings with the truth because you refused to lie to make me happy. Lord how I cried because I finally had to grow and see it for how it was. Thank you for showing my no our son how to be a man. For showing him that no matter how mad a lady makes you you never put your hands on her and that includes his sister. Thank you for showing him that it’s his job as a man to never let a woman carry anything. And thank you for finally allowing me to carry my own drink in the house. I know it pains you when I refuse to let you coddle me. But you do coddle me and take care of me and protect me. You have shown my family real love. Tough love. And for the first time in my life I know without a doubt that I am good enough. I deserve better. I deserve to be more than just a piece of ass to someone. I know I deserve love and it’s because of you. One day not so far away I know you will drift to another couch. But the lessons you have taught me are forever and you will ALWAYS have a place on my couch. We love you. Thank you for being my “gay best friend” the guy I can talk to about other guys. The guy who changes my tire, and checks my oil. The father to my children. You didn’t make them but God I love the way you love them! 

I wrote this a few weeks ago and then Ella got Covid. And I felt terrible she without a ounce of hesitation told her “dad” she needed feminine hygiene products because she knew I didn’t feel good. And it literally brings tears to my eyes. I never imagined we would have the dad we all needed. 

Til next time 

Ali

Re-birth

Breathe this is gonna be a long one as it should be since its been 25 forevers since I have written anything. If you have been keeping up with me on Facebook you will know that over the summer, I made a 4.5 hour move to NorthWest Arkansas. I now reside in Siloam Springs, AR. This is a story of transformation and change. 

I remember sitting at a desk. I had been lost in depression and felt like I was all alone in the world. What many of you do not know is that a while back I wrote a post about being the woman at the well. For 4.5 years I lived in sin as the “other woman” of a married man. I knew I was sinning. I knew it was wrong but depression, anxiety and just who I am convinced me that I loved this man. And despite the sin it had to be ok. Now judge me if you will most of you know I don't care anyway. I WAS MISERABLE, my kids were miserable. I was caught between a rock in a hard place. Not being able to find and keep a job, because typical Shelly takes care of everyone but Shelly. Not anymore. 

I have had a dream job for a while. I absolutely love love love phone sales. 

I also absolutely love Truck Drivers. 

Marry the two and you get my dream job.

I remember sitting at a desk being miserable. Making outbound cold calls for basically no money. I have always struggled with depression and a dear friend ask me: Shelly if you had a job making $20 an hour there would you be happy? I said no. I wasn't happy. Every single bill i had was past due and i was stretched so thin I couldn't stand it. Enter the DREAM job. This friend said hey you would be great at this job. It would mean a move, and leaving my roots. 

I have tried this before and failed. 

I failed because I let my peers convince me I was going to fail. I remember telling my Friend Angie that I wanted to apply for and if I got the job I wanted to take it. That would mean moving, leaving my Grandma that I had lived next to for the past 3 years. Away from my parents, my brother, my sister, my nephews, and my best friends. But it also meant ending a long term adulterous relationship. Angie called me a few days after I revealed my feelings to her, She said God wants you to know that FEAR IS A LIAR. Now it's no coincidence that that song had just came out. I prayed and prayed and prayed and begged God to send me a sign before Angie told me this. I was at the end of my rope and she knew it.  So I prayed for God to open doors. That if this was what HE wanted me to do to make it to where I literally could not say no. The stage is set and the ball is in HIS court. I say “your move”. And then just do nothing. I think about it. Talk about it. Apply for the job. They decline me based on my location. BUT I didn't give up. I want more for my kids. I find out that there's a job waiting on me at a daycare I literally just have to show up. I'm still not sold, i need somewhere to stay, boom that's taken care of. What about money. That gets taken care of. What about Granny, she's done fell and needs more care now than she has and Ive been doing it. Boom in comes Tiffany, every single objection I could come up with to not relocate is like nope not happening you're not giving up this time. I start thinking about this and thinking a change may not be bad. Its summer what's the worst that can happen. I decided before I even left harrisburg, AR that Shelly would die to this world. She would no longer exist because Shelly didn't have a backbone and was gullible and would do anything for anyone. YES i was strong and independent and resourceful. But mentally and physically I WAS A MESS!!! So enter stage left is Ali. A shortened version of Alica. I decided Ali was going to be better, do better, strive to be greater. Be a better parent and just a better human. Do I still have some residual Shelly residue? Yep, but one thing is for sure I will never 100 be Shelly again. So if I correct you with the name, just know I am trying to be a better me. And Most of the time I just answer to it. 

Until Next time, 

Ali

I am not submissive

That is very hard for me to type, because for years I have thought I knew how to submit. I thought I knew what I wanted out of life and how to get it. And then it happened I had an encounter, that left me with my mouth hanging open and I knew. I am not submissive.

The encounter you ask?

LIFE

Yes that's right life happened, this week has been a different week for me. (read difficult) Last week was Vacation Bible School and I had to rapidly deal with my sin issue. It is very easy to live a sin life. And all was good in my world because I was attending church, sitting in my seat, and going through the motions, and as soon as I left I still acknowledged that God was in control with my words. But I failed. I failed because I quit spending time with my Father, I quit reading the million devotionals I own. I quit opening my bible, and my bible app and instead opened up Facebook. And even before VBS I was so convicted that I couldn't function. I couldn’t sleep. I was still a good person because I have morals, which are entirely different from living for Christ. During VBS I was forced to spend time with God everyday, while I was there teaching, before I got there praying and crying, and when I left licking my wounds, that included a busted nose that swelled for the remainder of the week, so much that I had to put in a hoop nose ring because my stud would not go all the way through. I literally fell asleep for three days with an icepack on my face. I had never been so happy to see a Friday! Back on task though. That week renewed me. And I deleted my facebook initially completely. But then needed messenger so it reactivated, so I just kept the app off my phone which is where it was a major time killer. And I only access facebook as a whole from my laptop. Which means I have to sit still, in one place, for more than a few minutes. And it’s not like laying in my bed with my phone killing hours when I should be asleep. I said I was getting away from facebook and spending more time in the good book. So I picked up my bible again, and I started reading devotionals. I immersed myself in the word, when I wasn't reading the bible I was listening to worship music. I started living my life in a constant state of worship and praise. I started appreciating everything and I was led to fast. So for once in my life, I obeyed God. (Ive listened before) I fasted for 3 days total. And it was the most difficult fast I have ever done. On the first night, a guy came over and said hey let's go get some Mel’s on me, (read i'm a fat broke kid I can't afford that). Do you know what I said? That sounds great but I can’t Im fasting, which led to a discussion about why I didn't need too…. Frustrating. Everyday I fasted something like that happened. And I honestly thanked God for my hunger pains, and when I felt them I prayed, God make me as hungry for you as I am for food right now. I started a devotional dedicated to fasting, in fact I'm still working on it. But by wednesday night I had gotten what God wanted me to get out of fasting because I was led to eat, my first meal? English Peas and pickles… Because well that's what I had been craving for 3 days. I could have had anything and I wanted pickles and peas. On thursday, I loaded my kids up and we went for a ride, on that ride we listened to praise music and ran into rain. We sang to the top of our lungs and we wound up driving around for like 3 hours. And on that drive I had a lot of time to think. I thought about being a single parent. I thought about past relationships. I thought about ex husbands. I thought about the two kids that I love as my own but whos life I am not a part of anymore. And that is the place and space I decided I am not submissive. Because I have a me do it attitude. For so long I have done what needed to be done relying on only a few who I have to when I have to. I've dated, but still refused to submit to any man by saying things like, I don’t ever want to live with a man because I like my space, because I don't want to have to depend on anyone, because I don't want to be rejected. So instead of getting hurt by anyone I hurt myself. I do the same thing with God. When God has something planned for me I tell Him this isn't a good idea, I'm not sure I will like it, I will fail. I refuse to submit to His will for my life. The word independent and submissive can not exist together. I can not be submissive to God's will for my life if I continue to be so headstrong and independent that God cant work in my life. I kinda had said that I wasn’t praying for a husband anymore, that I have been praying for God to prepare me to be a wife which is true in a way. But In a way I didn’t want God preparing me to be a wife, because I'll be darned if i have to listen to a man and submit to him. Im independent I don't need nobody, except my dad… and my brother…. And my mom…. And my sister…. And my kids…. And my nephews (who are quite handy when moving).  I was praying a prayer I didnt want, change me God. Make me who I am suppose to be for the man you have for me. And Hes been changing me, and I have been fighting Him the whole way, because I am not submissive. For the past week really I haven't prayed that because I started praying and praising with my lips and my heart. And I know that when I pray them with my heart and my lips, God is going to start changing me. Preparing me for what He has for me. HEs not finished with me yet. I will be praying those bold prayers again soon. But not today. Thats all for tonight. Pray for me. Specific prayers that all my temptations be removed. That I stay on this path.

A four letter word that isn't Love

We are called to obey. And honestly it has been one of the hardest things I have personally ever been called to do. God says, Alicia write. I say not now, I’m busy. God says, Alicia rest! Again I say to my all knowing all loving Father, later I’m busy. And you know what HE does? Loves me anyway. Never in His infinite grace does HE leave me or forsake me. He just loves me. A lot has happened since I last wrote. Because I keep saying not now i’m busy. Terrible. Not only have I slacked in writing, I have slacked in reading, spending time in the WORD, spending time with He who loves me. And I am still not anywhere near where I need to be. But here I am obeying. A few weeks ago on a hunch I applied for a loan, to acquire housing and I called my best friend and said I did it, let's pray. We prayed and left it in God's hands. I even told my friend there is no way I will ever be approved. Let me backtrack for a moment. At the end of last year I decided I was going to go back to school. So I applied and started the process and I kid you not every single roadblock I could hit I did. I talked to Chassity and finally after hitting what felt like a million roadblocks that I had a come to Jesus and said this is not God's timing. I have never ever in my life hit that many brick walls. I was struggling financially at that wonderful fine line of I made too much money for any assistance but barely enough to pay my bills.  I remember standing in Chassitys office and Tommy Wright was there and we all prayed together. That day changed my life, I had been semi obedient to God. But semi isn't good enough. I started talking to God A LOT.  When I have a crochet hook in my hand boy am I wearing out God's ear. But I started just listening praising Thanking for the unknown, thanking Him for the bad times. Thanking Him for everything. I started listening. So I applied for the loan told Chassity and no one else except my mom and Ella knew because she had the flu and was out of school when I went. Swore them all to secrecy!! Don't Tell!!! Anybody!!! I didn’t even want to look at houses, because I was so sure I couldn’t get one, didn’t want to get my hopes up.  Chassity didn't even tell Michael (I am totally shocked by that one) One week to the day I went and applied and threw away the thought of a loan, I received the call that would change my life! I was approved!!! I'm getting a house! 3 bedrooms for my sweet babies to have their own room!!! YAY!! Look how good God was to me!!  Everyone knows above all I value my home. My quiet place. My kids and I are in a routine it's quiet we love it, this is why I’m single. Because the thought of someone living with me terrifies me. I don't want someone in my space. So Chassity was talking to me and a situation had arose that left her sister (who I didn't like) needed a place to stay. And God whispered into my ear, open your home. Nope no way! I love you Father but this is where I draw the line. Can’t I just give them some money and make it go away? Chassity had absolutely no idea this power struggle between God and I went down because I kid you not as my brain was arguing with God, I heard my mouth say, She can stay with me. Say what? My brain and my mouth were not cooperating with each other. And Chassity said I can't ask you to do that, You know what my mouth said? My terrible mouth that is attached to my face but that was clearly not communicating with my brain said? “You didn’t ask, I offered.” As my mouth is hanging open and i'm in my head YELLING at God. Telling HIM why this is a bad idea, HE is listening but clearly not amused with my argument.. My children had a dentist appointment and she didn't want to be at my house alone, so I told chassity I would call her when I was on my way home.. I was nervous, remember I said I didn't like this girl. I had met her but really didn't know her. I just knew that God told me to love her blah blah blah… and my mouth went with God when my brain was like this is a bad idea. Fast forward a week, man HOW GOOD IS GOD? That first day was not even a bit awkward, we both expected it to be. The second day was still not awkward. It's been a week now, and I'm pretty sure the big guy knew what HE was doing. See i am anti relationship because I always said I didn't want someone in my space, so I refuse to seriously date. Because we dated for two reasons, to break up or to marry. And i knew i didn't want to get married because I didn't want to share my space. God has used my new friend and her struggles to invade my space and teach me that I do indeed need someone, that I can in fact share my space as long as I freely and openly give love. I thought it would be hard to love Beth, but it has been the opposite of hard, its like she was put on the earth to be in my life at this exact time and place. I love her, I love her sister who has been my best friend and my prayer partner. She has told me she is so grateful to have me in her life. But i am equally as grateful to have her in mine.

Till next time!

Cat getting baptized

Call me the queen, of procrastination. Webster’s defines procrastination n. The action of delaying or postponing something. It is 10:33 at night as I am typing this. I am sitting in my bedroom floor because I started rearranging my room today, and didn’t finish so my desk is not situated in a manner that I can work on it… handy right. You are probably thinking, why am I reading this? Because you chose to that’s why and I promise I have a point. A few weeks ago, looking like a deranged person, I was at the local Dollar General and the cashier was in some serious pain, you could tell she was hurting. Me being who I am I said I will pray for you. And wouldn’t you know right there in that moment God spoke to me, He said Alicia Michelle (He calls me Alicia, it’s a relationship thing if you know me and love me you see the Alicia in me) what’s stopping you from praying right now, in my mind we had a conversation it went like this:

Me: There are a lot of people in this line just trying to get home

God: and your point?

Me: Umm I don’t want to stop the flow. I’ve been the person behind the person who is stopping the line.

God: Who’s in charge here

Me: okay fine….

So, I said you know what no I won’t pray for you when I get home right now let’s do this, to the shock of the people behind me in line I stopped and prayed out loud with this person. And then I invited her to church and got her number.  It was empowering. called her the next morning she didn’t answer so I left a message. Well Today I go back to my local store because my Grandma sends me there to get her stuff. And the girl is there. When I am literally walking out, mind you I look like something the cat drug in that the dog wouldn’t play with. I didn’t dry my hair last night so it was sticking up quite fiercely. Ella told me I looked like a monkey this morning… first thing I hadn’t even rolled out of the bed and her face is in my face and she says mom, your hair you look like a monkey. GEE thanks Ella. So, this girl says, hey you’re the woman that prayed for me. Ummmm I’m on the spot. I say Yes that’s me. She says yea how are you small talk and blah blah blah. Well I invite her to church again. Because well that’s what I do. Then it occurred to me that revival was starting tonight. So, I say hey revival tonight at church I’ll pick you up! So, I call her and she puts me on the spot as a Christian I have never ever been ask this question. And I’m honestly ashamed to say I couldn’t answer her….  She said, “What is revival?” Say what?!? Umm I am stumped and I start thinking, I read that book the circle maker, well I didn’t finish it but I got halfway through it and sat it down somewhere and lost it. I have since found it. I lamely said you know churches have revival its where they have a guest speaker come in and kind of stir things up. So, all night I’ve been thinking about the word its self. Like what does revival mean? Because I am going to be prepared to answer this question if it EVER happens again. Revival: an improvement in the condition or strength of something. Like in my heart I know what revival is. It’s when you’re like a fire going out, and its just embers, and the fire captain throws some kindlin on, and a few logs and brings you back to life. It’s a re-awakening lead the dead arise and have fire and passion and be filled with Gods love so fully that they simply can’t contain it.  Why couldn’t I put that in some sort of logical explanation at 4 something this afternoon? I know why. I mean I’m not backslidden but I am not where I once was. I have let my brain get distracted by this world. And The sin that so easily besets me (Hebrews 12:1) is so easy to access. Not a lot of people know my sin. From the outside looking in, you might say this chick has it all together. I don’t, at all. Save who I call my best female friend, she knows. Because I call her and cry when I fall into temptation. So, I listened intently (as much as I could for getting on to my children (I didn’t give Noah Adderall today—what was I thinking) but at invitation, the last part of the service they are singing a song and it’s a song I know and it says something along the lines of my yoke is easy. There’s a part of the bible that says that. HERE: Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest to your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  As I am singing this song to a God that loves me so much even though I FAIL Him daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes by the minute. Lord I am so happy that He loves me because my SIN is big. But those verses? Well heres what I take. If you put that yoke on you, and then fight like a cat getting baptized, it is not easy and it is not light. When you take that yoke on you and follow the path that Christ has lined out for you and you just walk with Him then yes its easy because the loving Father that HE is, HE carries all the weight and you just get to coast along, but this world wants you to be the cat. Wants me to be the cat getting baptized because every cat is being watched just like every person who is letting the Lord guide their lives are being watched. This year has not been my year. Because I have been the cat, trying to get baptized. How many times has God left me when I scratched him? NONE I me Alicia Michelle Mitleff have had not one not two not three not four but five auto accidents this year! JUST THIS YEAR. I’ve praised God that I walked away every single time, but I still lived in this world. I still sinned. We all sin. But I just blatantly was doing it planning it. Making it happen. Being convicted. There’s one person bless his soul, I love him but can’t stand to be around him because when he speaks out comes God, and I get convicted. And I told the person that. That conviction is because I’m saved Jesus is in me; I’m just doing the whole cat thing… It’s hard to admit. I haven’t been what I can be. I haven’t been studying the way I was at one point I stopped making it a priority and made it an afterthought. Case in point, I should be in bed. I am usually asleep by 10 unless I’m working. I like sleep. Normally I would have put this off but tonight God spoke to me. And the visiting pastor said “This may be the LAST invitation you ever hear.” And normally I would be like oh yea whatever but that little voice in my head said, “Alicia I have had your butt 5 times this year and you still won’t learn you are the most hardheaded child I have. I love you but this is IT! And it is. So, if you are reading this and you are one of the people that assist or allow me to sin and you find that I am not responding to your texts and calls. Well it’s because I choose LIFE!

Long winded I know.

Thanks for reading!!

Shelly

I am the 1

Today's thought is. I am the one.

Today I finished raking up some sticks and leaves that were in my little yard area.  And someone called me crazy. I like to be outside and I like to rake. I know it's not everyone's favorite time. But it's my favorite time. The statement was you know someone gets paid to do that? See I live in apartments, so someone does get paid to maintain the lawn probably. But I said so they don't do it so I am. And it got me to thinking about something I heard at church. Be the one. In ministry one of the areas that is always lacking is volunteers. Because we all say someone else will do it. But the problem is, someone else is me. Someone else is you. We have to at some point say pick me. Let me serve God. I may not be good at it but here I am use me. And I do. More often than not I will float and do whatever is needed. I don't have kids in the nursery. But you will find me there. I don't have kids in some of the classes I teach, but I can be found there also from time to time. I said my house was messy. When really it's just cluttered. It's more presentable now. But my statement pertaining the leaves and it not being my job. I said I know it's not my job but I have to live here and where there is brush, leaves, and debris. There are snakes. And just like I don't want a snake in my home, I don't want a snake in my yard. So I am the one. Here I am Lord, send me. I know this one isn't normal. Too much for a Facebook so now it's a blog!

The woman at the well

I wrote this a long time ago but didn't post it because I couldn't finish it and I didn't know why, it wasn't time. It's time now:

I am the woman at the well.

Prepare this one is going to be different. It shockingly didn’t come to me from a song. I know, I know, music is my thing, but this time it’s different. Tonight at church, while Jason was preaching, (sorry Jason) the story of the women at the well just wouldn’t leave me alone. So I googled it, which is what our generation does when we don’t know where something is.
Pick up your bible and read John 4:3-42 or don't and come back.
Ready for the me part? I have been married twice, I have been divorced twice. And I am in a world that takes Christian values and chews them up and eats them for dinner. In this world it is not only OKAY but it is acceptible to show gay pride, muslim pride, insert relgion here pride,  but its not okay to say Christian Pride. I am not without sin. In fact sin is my life, and I am striving to overcome it. I can complety relate to the Samaritan woman, for the man I am with is not my husband. It’s very easy to get caught up in the daily grind and feel sorry for yourself, what is the rest of the story? Jesus told this woman to bring the man even though he wasnt her husband, to the well with her, so that he could drink of the water and no longer be thirsty. See Jesus offered his life so that we wouldnt have to, He offered the water to the woman who was in todays terms a floozy. Okay that is putting it nicely. He wasnt just offering this gift to the snow white already, He offered this to people like me. I have never denied my skirmishes with sin, Its not easy in todays world to stand firm and be perfect, we all fold sometimes. I want to know the rest of this story.

Today: I even wrote I want to know the rest of the story, because I have meditated on this chapter. I can remember that at night service Michael sang come to the well as a special and I remember being FLOORED By Gods conviction. I told my friend a few days ago that I very much disliked the 4th chapter in the book of John. And she said it's because you relate to it. Just as she related to Job. (To be honest at this moment in life I relate to Job a lot) I did everything in my power to avoid the woman at the well. I didn't want to read it didn't want to sing it didn't want to hear it but the woman will not leave me alone. It's like a bad virus that just keeps coming back to me. A few days ago I got caught up in a single sin. Sinful thought, sinful action just sin. An since the one true King resides in me, I became convicted. Ugh! Well I let the devil win a battle but he hasn't won the war. I don't know why or what possessed me but more than anything I was in my head singing leave it all behind leave it all behind.. You know the song. I digress. Within moments I was you tubing the song I don't like and singing my heart out talking to God listening to God just being in Gods presence. Mind you I was on my way to work and said friend said to me last night now I know why you didn't answer me. Now I said I was going to take a break from Facebook so I started doing bible study's and devotional like crazy if I had 3 minutes to spend I spent it in Gods word. And I am not kidding when I say every day I've been in John 4. Maybe not even in the devotional that I chose but I had like 4 going on you version at the same time. So if it wasn't in one it was in one of the other 3. All 4 of them were over different topics I didn't think they would ever take me to that woman in Samaria because well I avoid her. I'm like a kid with a vegetable I don't like, shove it under the napkin and hope your mom didn't see you.  In any event I have deeply meditated over this portion of the bible over the last week. And if I had to pick just one verse to say is my favorite I would have to pick 2 ,
1.“Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.”
‭‭John‬ ‭4:10‬ ‭KJV‬‬
2: “Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.”
‭‭John‬ ‭4:34‬ ‭KJV‬‬

In verse 10 it says basically. You don't know what God has for you, if you did you wouldn't question it you would take it. You would want it. From the beginning I have said I don't know what Gods plan is for me but somehow some way He will use me. And in 34, my food my sustenance comes from doing the work of my Father. It is really hard to do the work of our Father when we are caught up in the sin life. I just had a moment. I realized the alter is the well. Like just happened. I use to hate alter time at church. When I was playing Christian I didn't like it. Why because God talked to me and I didn't want to listen. Now I can't wait until alter time. Alter call is all the time. I live in a prayerful attitude most of the time. The other day someone I won't say who but someone told me I was selfish and that it's not always all about me. (If your reading this, thanks for always slapping me in the face with the truth) immediately I was like No I'm not. I am the least selfish person you'll meet. But I am selfish and so are you. Because that's how the devil operates within is us. He says to us well what about you. How are you benefiting from this and blah blah blah. He comes to deceive is us into working for him so we take our eyes off of God for a moment. And I have been guilty of taking my eyes off the prize. I have been guilty of dropping the ball. I have been guilty of reaching out for comfort from someone of this world that was a temporary fix. And I very much dislike the taste of that in my mouth.  I dislike that I have this mentality of I need someone or something in my life other than God. I have said before it's not that I'm un happy being single (for the record, I am not currently without a partner-not married but I'm not a single Pringle)  I'm not I'm good at it it's what I know. Sometimes it's lonely and very easy to let the world creep in. I just saw something that said Thank God for the things He didn't let happen. And before anyone says anything about being single. Depression is a real thing. I'm not saying it's from God because He doesn't like to see us that way but it's real. Anxiety is a real thing and is talked about in the bible. Both of those are weapons the enemy uses to distract us from our God given purpose. Right now in this moment in time I am thankful for the things that God has kept from me. I am thankful for the mercy and grace He shows me. I am thankful that I serve a forgiving loving Father and not some authoritative figure who only ever punishes. Here I am embracing myself as the woman at the well the woman that I didn't like. The woman who turns many people to Christ. This woman who ask for the living water. The woman who says this world is not my home. I am here to serve God. I love this living water flowing over me.