We are called to obey. And honestly it has been one of the hardest things I have personally ever been called to do. God says, Alicia write. I say not now, I’m busy. God says, Alicia rest! Again I say to my all knowing all loving Father, later I’m busy. And you know what HE does? Loves me anyway. Never in His infinite grace does HE leave me or forsake me. He just loves me. A lot has happened since I last wrote. Because I keep saying not now i’m busy. Terrible. Not only have I slacked in writing, I have slacked in reading, spending time in the WORD, spending time with He who loves me. And I am still not anywhere near where I need to be. But here I am obeying. A few weeks ago on a hunch I applied for a loan, to acquire housing and I called my best friend and said I did it, let's pray. We prayed and left it in God's hands. I even told my friend there is no way I will ever be approved. Let me backtrack for a moment. At the end of last year I decided I was going to go back to school. So I applied and started the process and I kid you not every single roadblock I could hit I did. I talked to Chassity and finally after hitting what felt like a million roadblocks that I had a come to Jesus and said this is not God's timing. I have never ever in my life hit that many brick walls. I was struggling financially at that wonderful fine line of I made too much money for any assistance but barely enough to pay my bills. I remember standing in Chassitys office and Tommy Wright was there and we all prayed together. That day changed my life, I had been semi obedient to God. But semi isn't good enough. I started talking to God A LOT. When I have a crochet hook in my hand boy am I wearing out God's ear. But I started just listening praising Thanking for the unknown, thanking Him for the bad times. Thanking Him for everything. I started listening. So I applied for the loan told Chassity and no one else except my mom and Ella knew because she had the flu and was out of school when I went. Swore them all to secrecy!! Don't Tell!!! Anybody!!! I didn’t even want to look at houses, because I was so sure I couldn’t get one, didn’t want to get my hopes up. Chassity didn't even tell Michael (I am totally shocked by that one) One week to the day I went and applied and threw away the thought of a loan, I received the call that would change my life! I was approved!!! I'm getting a house! 3 bedrooms for my sweet babies to have their own room!!! YAY!! Look how good God was to me!! Everyone knows above all I value my home. My quiet place. My kids and I are in a routine it's quiet we love it, this is why I’m single. Because the thought of someone living with me terrifies me. I don't want someone in my space. So Chassity was talking to me and a situation had arose that left her sister (who I didn't like) needed a place to stay. And God whispered into my ear, open your home. Nope no way! I love you Father but this is where I draw the line. Can’t I just give them some money and make it go away? Chassity had absolutely no idea this power struggle between God and I went down because I kid you not as my brain was arguing with God, I heard my mouth say, She can stay with me. Say what? My brain and my mouth were not cooperating with each other. And Chassity said I can't ask you to do that, You know what my mouth said? My terrible mouth that is attached to my face but that was clearly not communicating with my brain said? “You didn’t ask, I offered.” As my mouth is hanging open and i'm in my head YELLING at God. Telling HIM why this is a bad idea, HE is listening but clearly not amused with my argument.. My children had a dentist appointment and she didn't want to be at my house alone, so I told chassity I would call her when I was on my way home.. I was nervous, remember I said I didn't like this girl. I had met her but really didn't know her. I just knew that God told me to love her blah blah blah… and my mouth went with God when my brain was like this is a bad idea. Fast forward a week, man HOW GOOD IS GOD? That first day was not even a bit awkward, we both expected it to be. The second day was still not awkward. It's been a week now, and I'm pretty sure the big guy knew what HE was doing. See i am anti relationship because I always said I didn't want someone in my space, so I refuse to seriously date. Because we dated for two reasons, to break up or to marry. And i knew i didn't want to get married because I didn't want to share my space. God has used my new friend and her struggles to invade my space and teach me that I do indeed need someone, that I can in fact share my space as long as I freely and openly give love. I thought it would be hard to love Beth, but it has been the opposite of hard, its like she was put on the earth to be in my life at this exact time and place. I love her, I love her sister who has been my best friend and my prayer partner. She has told me she is so grateful to have me in her life. But i am equally as grateful to have her in mine.
Till next time!
